


Who are we

by xTheProfessor



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cheating, Drug Addiction, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Insomnia, Keepinghisarmcauseitshot, Love, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Marvel Universe, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Shameless Smut, The Avengers - Freeform, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-04
Updated: 2016-10-20
Packaged: 2018-05-18 04:48:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5898895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xTheProfessor/pseuds/xTheProfessor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In this slight AU, Steve and Bucky have not known each other since they were kids. Bucky still becomes The Winter Soldier, but he first meets Steve after that. Steve also becomes Captain America, so everything is somewhat canon except for their backgrounds (and their relationship, of course.) Then Bucky pulls Steve out of the water and finally sniffs up his adress, where hes met with somewhat of a surprise.  If I have left out tags you think I should use or any warnings, please let me know and I'll change it.<br/>Warning: this fic deals with subjects like drug addiction and alcohol abuse and there might be triggers in it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First Snow

Brooklyn was always cold this time of year. Especially now, when it had already started snowing and the flakes were slowly piling up on the sidewalks and streets. Steve was scurrying along, trying to get home before he would get sick while wondering what he would eat for the next week. As per usual he’d gotten into a fight with guys twice his size and number, but Steve never gave up. Of course it ended up with him losing his money, but at least his pride was intact. He was now clutching to his jacket, the cold already affecting his frail bones. He hurried past every alley, he didn’t need anymore trouble today. But a loud thumb attracted his attention and he stopped dead in his tracks, using his good ear to listen closer.

Bucky had jumped from an abandoned building down down the alley way, clutching his stomach with his metal arm. He was supporting himself by leaning against the alley way wall, as his blood dropped from the wound in his human shoulder and the two small bullet holes in his stomach. Bucky tried straightening his back, but he ended up collapsing against the wall “God damn it..” He mumbled and exhaled loudly. He had no way of contacting Hydra, he had lost all his gear except a few knives so he had to get back to base on his own, he just needed some rest first and then he would be healed enough to go on.

Steve was curious to as what had made the noise, it hadn’t sounded like an animal. He dried some blood from his nose and then trotted into the alley. If it was more thugs he would probably end up with a broken bone, but his curiosity got the better of him and if someone needed help, it was his duty to do so.

From his sitting position against the wall, Bucky spotted Steve before Steve spotted him. He quickly calculated by his looks that he wasn't a danger he needed to take into consideration, even though Hydra had been very specific about not getting noticed by civilians. Everyone who saw him was a potential threat and needed to be dealt with. Bucky had lost his glasses, but the powder around his eyes made his face less visible in the dark. His Asset training took over again, this guy was either going to not notice him or end up dead. But when Bucky got a clear look of Steves face, he stopped trying to get up. The guy looked so innocent and he was bleeding. Under his mask, Buckys breath grew ragged. He wasnt supposed to have mercy on anything or anyone, he was pointed at a target and everything that stood in his way or posed a threat had to be eliminated, but he just couldn’t find it in him to kill this small man.

Steve had clenched his fists together, trying to prepare for a possible fight. He was pretty sure whatever sound he heard had been human, but he couldn’t figure out if that was good or bad. When he turned the corner around a dumpster, he saw a hunched over frame leaning against the wall and his hands dropped that very second. It had been human, but a hurt human. Steve fought his instinct to just run over and make sure whoever it was, was okay. He didn’t want to corner anyone and get himself in trouble with whatever street gang had did this. “Do you need help?” He asked, his voice loud and clear.

Bucky had been watching every reaction on Steves face, from alertness, to confusement and now worry with a hint of nervous. He just looked at the blond kid and didn’t answer.

_Don’t trust anyone, don’t talk to anyone, don’t get noticed._

Was what he repeated in his head over and over, the last thing he was told before he left the base for his current mission. Bucky used his metal arm to support himself against the brick walls when he walked passed Steve, without looking, but highly aware of his presence. He wasn’t about to disobey because of some nosy kid, but Steve didn’t take that for an answer. Even though Bucky was twice his size, both in height and weight (probably much more), Steve wasn’t a coward. And this man looked injured. “You don’t look so good there buddy, maybe you should go to the hospital.” He hadn’t even noticed Buckys clothes. The lighting in the alley was poor and Steves eyes were even worse. Bucky couldn’t figure out if Steve was mocking him, but he didn’t care. Everything human was shoved to the back of his head, all that mattered was his mission and his return.

_Don’t talk, don’t trust_

Bucky didn’t make it very far. He’d barely taken a couple of steps before he caved in and the second he’d torn off his mask there was a steady stream of blood flooding his mouth. He would never make it to Hydra alone, this was an epic mistake and Bucky feared the punishment bound to come his way for screwing up like this.

_Focus focus focus focus focus…_

But then Buckys eyes widened when he felt a small warm hand on his shoulder. It was Steve, who had run to his aid and was now tugging an arm under Buckys to try and support him on his feet. He huffed a little when he tugged on Bucky. “Man your heavy..” Steve grumbled but he didn’t get to make another comment because in a blink of an eye he was shoved against the wall with something cold wrapped around his throat. Buckys eyes looked alert and focused, the metal hand keeping Steve in place. He didn’t even notice Steves weak hands clasping at the arm, fighting for air. The noises started getting more violent when Steves lips turned blue and then Bucky was slapped in the face with reality, he was choking out some weak, small kid who’d only tried to help him. Bucky let go and grabbed Steve when he, passed out due to his limited air supply, slouched over him. Bucky had no idea what to do about this, but some part of him couldn’t just leave Steve here. He rummaged around Steves pockets until he finally found an ID card with an address. When he’d put the card back, he found Steves inhaler. At first he had no idea what it was, but then a memory flashed through his mind of a young boy taking a big breath from one of these things and the first word that passed through his mind was; Asthma.

Bucky quickly got the device infront of Steves pale lips and he heard the raspy breath when Steve sucked the medicine into his lungs. Steve coughed violently but remained passed out. Bucky held Steve close to his body when he started making his way to Steves apartment. Luckily it was dark out, so no one noticed the leather clothed, bleeding, man walking with a passed out kid in his arms. When Bucky reached Steves apartment, he couldn’t find a key so he kicked the door in and somewhere in his mind he took note that he would probably have to fix that. But the thought disappeared as soon as it came, and made way for Buckys mission again. He stopped in the middle of Steves living room, confused and agitated and still bleeding.

_I shouldn’t be here, this is wrong. Danger. Danger. Trap. This isn’t how it goes. Missions. Base. Freeze. Repeat._

Bucky dropped Steve on his ragged looking bed and then curled up in a corner, his hands clinging to his own hair. He’d been out of kryo for to long and now his mind was caving in on itself. Bucky started shivering lightly and he had no idea about how long he’d remained that way. The only thing that kept Bucky eartbound was the sounds of Steves shallow breathing that had returned to somewhat normal. Bucky looked up and looked at Steves face, still in panic and confusement, but something about they way Steves mouth had dropped open and how peacefull he looked managed to keep Bucky in a calmer state of mind. He didn’t move from his spot in the corner and he spend the entire night watching Steves face with such intent that he must have looked the way a thirsty man looks at a glass of water. 

And then Steve opened his eyes.


	2. Wake up, the world is moving on without you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short warming-up session for Bucky and Steve is small and angry and perfect

The last thing Steve could remember was the cold grip around his neck and the dead eyes he was looking into. Whoever the man was, he was only a shell of a person and Steve saw no trace of human in him. When he ran out of air all he could think of was that it at least he wasn’t dying without a fight. He had some faint idea that his futile grasps around whatever Bucky had used to choke him with, were pathetic, but at least he hadn’t given up on his life without on final fight. But when he opened his eyes again he was confused and disorientated. Steve was a Christian, but this didn’t seem like heaven. It was too cold, his body hurt to much and he was pretty sure he was in his apartment. And that wasn’t heaven. Steve’s train of thought went blank when his eyes focused in the dim light and he spotted Bucky, who was staring directly at him. Bucky most of all looked like a cornered injured animal, the way his body was arched over and his piercing eyes staring directly into Steve’s.

Steve sat up in his bed and looked terrified for a moment. Bucky hadn’t expected anything else, the guy probably thought he was crazy. He wouldn’t be very wrong and in the midst of his break down Bucky snorted to himself, he didn’t see himself as crazy. He didn’t see himself as anything. Just the Asset. But the small snort kicked some life into Steve and what happened next baffled Bucky enough to snap him out of his breakdown.

“Who the hell do you think you are?! Almost killing me, breaking into my apartment and then snorting at me?!” Steve yelled out, followed by a rough cough. He kept coughing until he finally got of his bed and charged for his kitchen, he needed water, desperately. Bucky had been staring in disbelief at Steve the entire time, but when the small guy rushed for water, Bucky got of the ground and slowly made his way to Steves kitchen were he also stood in a corner. He wasn’t sure how to handle this guys reaction, wasn’t he supposed to be scared? He watched Steve awkwardly for a while.

“Sorry.” He barked out quietly, the Russian accent in his voice toned down to a rumble in his chest. It was the weakest apology anyone could have ever given, but Bucky usually didn’t even talk. Steve had already chugged two large glasses of water when he turned his eyes towards Bucky in pure rage.

“I should think so!” He yelled out again and then he realized he was yelling at someone who’d just almost killed him. He dropped his glass which shattered with such force that Bucky winced and Steve was standing with his back pressed against the other wall, staring at Bucky. His lips were slightly trembling but now wasn’t the time to chicken out.

“You wont try and kill me again will?” He asked silently and didn’t like the silence that seemed to engulf Bucky. He wasn’t supposed to help anyone and now he was standing in this guys kitchen, death was something that had to follow. But Bucky shook his head and Steve seemed to relax a little more. Most people would probably be scared out of their minds, but Steve had delt with death and threats his entire life. If this guy didn’t kill him, something else would.

“Good.” He said firmly and then he noticed Buckys arm. Steve had never seen anything like it, the way it worked like a perfectly normal arm. Then it hit Steve that that was had been wrapped around his throat, a metal arm. He remembered the cold but also the brute force behind it and he knew Bucky wasn’t just some injured stranger. Metal arms and bullet holes. And leather, Steve thought to himself, wasn’t the attire of civilians.

“So..I don’t suppose you work down at the bank.” He mumbled and then filled another glass of water for himself. Somewhere in his mind he knew his mother would have kicked for not having offered any, but there was no way on earth he was offering this guy anything. Plus, he had no idea what to do or say. Usually he would kick out intruders, if he could, but he truthfully wasn’t stupid enough to go near this guy right now.

Bucky wasn’t really much of a talker, so he just settled for shaking his head. The pain of his shoulder and stomach ebbed back into his mind and he looked down at Steves floor. Not only had he broke his door, now he was dripping on Steves floor. Bucky knew he had to get the bullets out before he healed to much, otherwise he would make an even bigger mess. So he dug a metal finger into one of his bullet holes and started digging for the bullet. The whole scene seemed so bizarre and unhuman that Steves eyes widened and he made a weird sound before he groaned with utter discontent and he walked over to Bucky, whos body tensed up as Steve entered his space.

“Lemme help you with that.” Steve mumbled. If this guy made as much as a flinch, Steve would find something to hit him with. He pulled Bucky into his bathroom and made him sit down on the edge of his tub before he found sod, gaze and a small set of pincers to get the bullets out. It seemed a little, okay very, weird when Steve opened Buckys leather jacket and pulled it off (not gently), but he wasn’t gonna watch Bucky dig out the bullets with his fingers. Steve leaned down and started working on the wounds. And sure enough, Bucky didn’t even blink. But he kept a very close eye on Steve, everything he did and every move he made because he still couldn’t be sure if this was some elaborate trap. When Steve had digged out the bullets, he poured sod over the holes and the wound in Buckys stomach before he plastered him in gaze.

“There. Fixed.” He said proudly and then, from one moment to another, Steves face went pale and he clutched a fist over his chest. Sweet God, not now. He felt the asthma attack just before it hit him and he started breathing fire. Bucky looked intensely at him, but he didn’t make a move to help.

“Youre pale.” Bucky simply stated, like that wasn’t obvious. Steve managed a snort and then he straightened again. He grabbed a wet piece of cloth and started cleaning up Buckys face. Honestly, this guy was filthy and he smelled way to much for Steves liking.

“Im always pale.” Steve grunted out, and that wasn’t exactly a lie. While working on Buckys face, Steve couldn’t help notice that even though Buckys eyes looked like they belonged to a man who had been to hell and back, they were gorgeous. He tossed the cloth aside and admired his work with Buckys face. It was clear that, underneath all the filth and the weird makeup, Bucky was handsome. The straight jawbones, his high cheekbones and the way his hair curled around his face showed that this was a handsome, insane man. But there was just too much dirt for Steve to handle.

Bucky narrowed his eyes a little and focused on Steve again, he’d been zooming out while Steve cleaned his face. It was easier dealing with skin to skin contact if Bucky just mentally wasn’t there. But now he was focusing on Steve again, noticing how the small frame had started shivering.

“What’s your name and what’s wrong with you?”  He knew he should leave. He shouldn’t be asking all of this, he shouldn’t even be able to care. And yet he did. Bucky knew he was supposed to be headed back to base, but he needed a few days to heal if he wished to make it back alive. And some part of him thought he should thank this guy.

 Steve pulled his jacket closer around him and his breath seemed to be hitching in his throat. The cold and the moist from his basement apartment didnt do anything good for his lungs and neither did the fact that the bruises that were forming around his neck hurt like hell.

 "Names Steve Rogers." Steve mumbled and wasnt all too sure about letting this guy know he was actually even more fragile than he looked. He’d already proved Steve could do absolutely nothing, but if this guy was as crazy as Steve suspected, he shouldn’t freely give out details about his broken down body. But Steves body was as broken as Buckys eyes looked, and he couldn’t help feel sorry for him.

Bucky looked at Steve with a calculating gaze. Was this guy always stubborn or was he just plain dumb. "Astma, malnourished and lack of muscle base" he mumbled to himself, as he took his jacket back on and walking out without another word. Steve was watching he leave dumbfounded, the guy was leaving. That was a good thing, right? Steve couldn’t really decide what he was supposed to do now, but his thoughts were interrupted when Bucky came back 10 minutes later and handed Steve a bag with food and asthma medicine.

"We're even now." he said, his face never changing. He seemed more like a machine than a man, but still apparently kept human morals. It had surprised Bucky as well, how he had found it in himself to not only kill this kid, but now also help him out. Something in his mind seemed to fit together with something else. Curtesy. That’s the word. He was being polite, for the first time in years. Buckys otherwise plain expressin, frowned a little about that. He had definitely been away too long and this was getting dangerous.

Steve looked at the bag and then at Bucky. He never liked hand-me outs from other people. Steve didnt need help, he never had. "You forgot my colorblindness." Steve added and then handed Bucky the bag again "I already have medicine, and food." He said clearly, even though he was lying. His medicine ran out last night and the rest of his money had been stolen. "Are you army?" Steve asked, gazing over Buckys arm again. Maybe being this nosy was a bad idea, but Steve had never handled anything like this and he talked a lot when he got nervous.

Bucky put the bag down next to Steves sink with a determined look. He admired Steve for his bravery, but Bucky had to find some way to repay him. “Its not charity, its pay back. And I guess you could say that.” He added. It was lying, but Bucky knew that Hydra wasn’t the army Steve was talking about. Then his training set in again, what was he doing..

**_Don’t tell anyone anything, deny. You know nothing, you are no one – The Asset._ **

Bucky felt his break down creep up on him again, this was all getting out of hand. Leave, you have to leave. But then, in the corner of his eye, he noticed Steve wincing. The guy was hurt, but Bucky hadn’t done that. There was a bruise forming on his chin, his lip was split and the dirt on his jacket was a tell tale sign that someone had either punched him in the stomach or kicked him. Steve coughed again and the coughing evolved into something that made Steves face go even more pale and he looked like someone who couldn’t breath properly. Bucky observed Steve. Again he faintly remembered helping someone with asthma before, even though he couldn't place the memory at all. He took the asthma medicine and held it in front of Steve's mouth. "You shouldn't live in a place like this" his voice and face didn't seem worried, it was as plain as a clean canvas. But his actions, his help, the worry that seemed to sneak up on him like a fog behind his eyes wasn’t something he could doubt. This was human. But he wasn’t human, he hadn’t been human for a very long time.

Steve looked briefly at Bucky and there was tears in his eyes from the pain in his chest. He wrapped his lips around then inhaler and took a weak sounding blow of it, which resulted in a large breath that sounded wheezy. "I get by." Steve grunted and kept rubbing his chest even though his bend rib hurt. He knew he had some menthol crème lying around somewhere, but there was a slightly more urgent matter and that was Bucky.

“No, you are not.” Bucky stated and the started examining Steves face. Had he been in a fight? Hell, he must’ve known he couldn’t win. But Bucky had seen how fighsty Steve was, so it wasn’t that big of a shock that Bucky wasn’t the only one Steve mouthed off to. It was stupid, but Bucky actually found it a little endearing and that scared him.

Steve frowned a little. That man had no right to talk like that after Steve had brought him into his home. Steve was glaring at Bucky before he walked out into his kitchen. Some color had returned to his face but he was shivering just a little bit, his apartment wasn’t heated because he just couldn’t afford that right now.  "Are you hungry?" Steve knew arguing with this man probably wasnt that good of an idea and food was the next thing that came to mind. He didn’t want to eat the food Bucky had given him, but his stomach had already made that decision for him when it started making noises. And Steve hadn’t eaten for days. Maybe it wasn’t that much of a defeat to accept the food and the medicine, considering how much he’d helped Bucky already.

Bucky didn't really know what to say, he just wanted to run away from this kid and his kindness. He didn’t deserve it, he didn’t deserve anything. "I.. Yes."  he finally said. He hadn't thought about it before, but he was actually extremely hungry and that seemed off. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d eaten anything solid.

Steve had already moved to the kitchen again to prepare the food. He looked into the bag and huffed a little, there was more food here than he’d seen for ages. He took out the select variety of fruits and vegetables and meats which Bucky had bought. Or stolen. “Did you steal this?” Steve asked bluntly. Okay maybe that wasn’t all that polite, but if it was stolen he certainly didn’t want any of it.

 "No" he answered as he looked around the small apartment. He always had a lot of money on him, Hydra insisted on it if he should end in situations like this where he had to find his own way back to base and ended up needing help. Money was a good backup plan and Bucky had never spend any of it, so he didn’t see the problem in doing it now. Steve deserved that because he was a good person. Yes, that was it, he was a good person, who was helping a not-all-that-good person.

All Bucky got in return was a sly snort. Either this guys vocabulary was the size of a four year olds or he just didn’t like Steve. He found two clean plates and made sure there was plenty of food for Bucky anyway, before he put the plates on the table. “Sit down.” He bossed Bucky and then took of his jacket, revealing a bruise on his collarbone and marks around his upper arms from where one of the thugs had been holding Steve for the others to punch on.

Bucky eyed the bruises a little before he tentatively started eating. This guy, apparently, was a regular fighter - and loser of said fights. Bucky used his metal arm to eat, as the bullet hole in the other shoulder made it hard to use and he had finished off the meal before he even knew what it was. Bucky hadn’t even gotten time to enjoy the sheer scent of a homecooked meal, the minute he knew it was okay to eat, it seemed to already be gone.

Steve on the other hand wasn’t finished, he was busy staring at Bucky. Okay, so this guy was also very hungry. Without moving his eyes from Bucky, he just pushed his plate across the table and Bucky really couldn’t help himself from digging into that aswell. A small smile ghosted over Steves lips, that was actually a tad sweet. Then Bucky looked up at Steve again, and he didn’t look all that blank. Actually, he looked a little confused.

“Why are you helping me?” The question came out slowly, as if Bucky were tasting the words on his lips. It had been a long time since he’d talked to anyone, let alone for as long as he’d been talking to Steve. In Buckys mind, this was as close to a conversation he’d had for as long as he could remember. And having someone help him, worry about him, had made an impression on Buckys otherwise blank mind.

“Because you are injured?” Steve asked back, clearly confused. Apparently, according to Bucky, helping other people were rare and that made Steve frown a little. Of course he was helping, he wasn’t raised by wolves. He might be clinically insane for helping someone like Bucky, but who was he to judge?

Bucky raised an eyebrow and glared at Steve “That doesn’t answer my question.” He barked out and then he kept on looking at Steve, how his hair was almost golden and that his eyes had the same colour as the sea. He was…cute. Buckys eyes darted away from Steves face and his mind closed in on itself again

Feelings aren’t for you. They are for humans and you are not human. Not anymore.

He heard the words in his head for the millionth time, but he couldn’t place the voice. He knew it was someone from Hydra, but he’d never seen a face. Anyway, Bucky didn’t have contact with the emotional center of himself anymore, that had been ripped away along with his arm. But he couldn’t deny that something about Steve had jolted parts of his mind towards some resemblance of human interaction and emotion.

Steve shrugged and looked a little embarrassed but hiding it pretty good. "It's my civic duty to help injured people." Which was right, Steve had always felt that he, as an American, had to help where he could. But he would also be lying if he said something about Bucky wasn’t alluring as hell.

At the other end of the table, Bucky just nodded bluntly. Again, a man of few words. He finished Steves plate of food in no time and then leaned back in the chair. He didn’t like someone who didn’t know what to do or say, he looked like someone awaiting orders on what to do next. If Steve didn’t know any better, he would describe Bucky as being on Standby. ¨

Steve was slowly getting impatient and then he got up to clear the plates. When he looked over his shoulder, Bucky was sitting exactly the same way as he had when Steve got up and that just creeped Steve out a little to much. “I have a shower. I mean, if you want one.” He added and then leaned against the doorframe to his kitchen, looking a little awkwardly at Bucky. It had been something Steve just blurted out in the lack of anything else to say.

Bucky looked At Steve for a minute before answering. "Thank you." He said as he got up from the chair. After a while, Bucky took off his clothes in the bathroom and stepped into the cold shower. Apparently, this guy couldn't afford warm water either. He let out a small content sigh. This was weird, how it all felt so.. Normal. Normal conversations (sort of), normal food, showers. It all seemed real, to real and Bucky crumbled to his knees in Buckys tub, the water from the shower head flowing down over him and colouring the water beneath  him brown. He held his head in his hands the way he’d done before Steve woke up and he tried calming himself down.

**_You are freaking out over a shower. Calm. Down._ **

He repeated the words in his head and tried synching his breath with his heartbeat.

Steve grew more and more impatient while Bucky was in the shower. He was dirty, sure, but what took him so long? While trying to kill some time, Steve started cleaning up and he got to clean his entire apartment, wash his dishes and fold some fresh clothes before he heard the water turning off. He grabbed a large t shirt he used to sleep in, for when Bucky came out and then Steve froze. Was the guy gonna come out in his own clothes or naked? Luckily that questions was answered for Steve, when Bucky came out in his pants. He wasn’t wearing a shirt, but who could blame him; it was covered in blood. He’d rebound the gaze around his wounds and now he was looking directly at Steve, who had a hard time not staring at the scars from where the metal was connected with Buckys skin. And his eyes drifted over Buckst stunningly sharp body before he snapped out of it and handed Bucky the shirt. He snaked passed Bucky without looking at him “I’ll be right back.” he mumbled and this was one of the few times Steve was happy, about a cold shower.

“Okay.” Bucky tried answering, but Steve had already closed the door. When Steve came back out, Bucky was looking at some of the drawings that was hanging on Steves wall. They were quiet impressive and Buckys eyes lingered at a particular drawing of a pretty older woman with hair the same golden hair colour as Steves. Bucky had seen drawings before, but never like these. It seemed like Steve had spend ages trying to get even the smallest crack in her lips perfect and if Bucky had been a tad more crazy, he might have thought the drawing was alive. There was something kind in her face that reminded him of Steve, but not the hardness in her eyes that he’d seen when Steve prepared for a fight.

There were a lot of drawings plastered to Steves wall, all seem to be made with coal or ink. It was mostly drawings of people, a lot of people and for a second Bucky felt they were all watching him so he turned his back to the wall and tried calming down again.

When Steve came out again, he walked up to his kitchen and got himself some water. He seemed determined to not be scared of him, even though the look in Buckys eyes right now was slightly terrifying.  “By the way, I’d say I’m entitled to know your name.” Steve crossed his arms and glanced at Bucky. He was actually kind of curious to know what this guy was called, but he was in for a sourly disappointment which he could have told himself.

“I don’t have one.” Bucky stated and he frowned a little, because he actually didn’t know his name, he only knew the Asset as who he was. Maybe he’d had a name, once, but that was the name of someone alive and Bucky didn’t see himself as alive anymore. The frustration in both their faces was clear and Steve made a small insulted noise. Bucky heard that sound, of course, and narrowed his eyes alittle. Was this guy seriously mad at ham? Bucky wasn’t sure he was okay with that so he decided to elaborate.

“I don’t remember my name.” The sentence was quiet, and Steve was sure he could sense some emotion undernearth that otherwise blank face and blank voice and he couldn’t help but empathize with Bucky. It didn’t come as much of a surprise that he couldn’t remember, it seemed there were a lot of normal things this man couldn’t remember. Or simply hadn’t learned. He took a step closer to Bucky and then the smallest of smiles rushed over his face “I’m sorry about that. I guess I’ll just have to find something to call you.” Steve said and saw Buckys eyes widened, just a little.

An apology. Bucky hadn’t had that in a very long time. Someone was smiling at him, and apologizing for his life.

“None of its your fault, why are you apologizing?” His voice was clearly fascinated and that actually bemused Steve a little.

“Because everyone has the right to a name. It gives them character, but then again, you already have plenty of that.” Steve said with a yawn and then looked around as if trying to figure something out. Meanwhile, Bucky was back to glaring. This guy wasn’t for real, was he?

Steve had deemed that Bucky wasn’t a threat, and there was no way he was going to risk Bucky getting sick. “You are sleeping in my bed. I cant have you on the floor because I cant afford help for you if you get worse.” His voice sounded firm and his eyes were metal in their willpower when he looked at Buckys face.

Bucky shook his head and sat down on the floor with his back to Steves wall. The bed was to exposed and Steve needed it more “No. I’ve slept on worse places than your floor.” He observed the grimace Steve put on and something stirred in him. For regular folk, it would have been amusement, but Bucky couldn’t place feelings anymore so he immediately shut it off. “At least have my pillow?” Steve had grabbed the, sort of poorly looking thing, and was handing it to Bucky. With hesitation, Bucky reached out and took the pillow from Steve with a curt nod. He placed it behind his back and Steve snorted a little when he realized Buckys intention was to sleep against the wall. But that wasn’t Steves problem. Steve got into his own bed and cuddled under his two blankets, trying to get warm enough to sleep.

About half an hour had passed when Steve snuck out of his bed and placed one of his blankets around Bucky. He would have probably never done it if Bucky had been awake and if the other man mentioned it the next day, he would kick him senseless. Steve crept back into his own bed, feeling contempt with his actions and he couldn’t possibly have known that Bucky hadn’t been asleep at all.

When Steve had turned his back to Bucky, Bucky opened his eyes and looked at Steve. And the smallest of smiles seemed to take house on Buckys lips, a ghost of how he used to smile. And again, that warm feeling from before crept into his heart and threatened to shake his entire foundation. Bucky didn’t know at this point that it was already too late to try and fight it – after decades of loneliness, someone had broken through his wall and he was ever so slowly coming back to life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if the ending is a little wonky, but this chapter was teasing me. I'm already writing a new chapter, so hang tight! And again, sorry for gramma errors (It's currently being edited, but I thought you should get the chapter anyway and I'll come back to editing it here later on.)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is such a short chapter, but I just think it's perfect as it is to be honest~ Total fluff by the way

Steve fell asleep with a warm feeling in his chest and a smile decorating his lips. He always felt good about himself when he helped someone, it was a duty as an American citizen, even if that someone was a Russian weirdo clad all in black. Steve had gotten over his initial shock concerning Bucky and it even felt like the guy didn’t want to shoot him in the head anymore. If his mother had been alive, she would have probably scolded him for being this careless but at the same time told him how proud she was of him. It warmed Steves heart and coloured his dreams until he was violently ripped from his private piece of heaven.

The pain ripped through his body like it was hellbound on tearing him to pieces and the small blonde rolled to his back with a strangled gasp for breath. Winter always got too him the hardest and it hadn’t been this cold on years. He clutched his chest with a painful groan as the oxygen in his lungs slowly got replaced by a gnawing promise of soreness and his throat tightened like someone held his neck in a tight grip.

The first sound of Steves pain woke Bucky up immediately because he never really slept anyways, he rested. He sat up from his place on the ground and looked at Steve with a blank expression even though a slight worry had crept into those hollow eyes. The sounds from the small, now terribly pale man, stabbed Buckys chest like someone had literally driven a knife through him and it took him the blink of an eye to be by Buckys side where the small blonde clutched the sheets and strained tears had already rolled off his colorless cheeks.

“Cabinet…Medicine..” He rasped out between his attempts of breathing and Bucky reacted instantly. He soon found what Steve was talking about and it didn’t take him long before he held the small asthma device against Steves blue lips. Steve took a raspy suck of the medicine and he could already feel his airways opening up to his first swallow of fresh air left his throat burning and his lungs gratefully expanding. He took another small suck of his medicine before he seemed to relax. His chest still hurt like hell and cold sweat had already drenched him but he looked up at Bucky and gave him a weak thankful smile.

A small expression of confusement and shock passed over the Russians face as he vaguely thought he’d done this before, to someone else, with long brown hair and a kind smile on her face. Bucky strained at that and clenched his metal fist. He’d been warned about this, staying out of his cold sleep too long would bring false memories and he’d usually never been out long enough to fully experience them. But there was just something so familiar about it and he couldn’t let go of the feeling that it just didn’t seem false at all.

Steves breath was still ragged and pained but at least his lips had gotten their colour back and he cleared his throat a few times before he looked at Bucky. He caught the expression on the face of the man who usually just looked like he wasn’t even a real person with real feelings but he didn’t know what to make of it.

“A..Are you okay?” He asked with a raspy voice and looked worried at Bucky.

_He’s worrying about you. You. He thinks you’re someone to worry about, worthy of being worried about_

“You had an asthma attack, a painful one, and you’re worried about me?” He asked blankly. His face had gone back to being the unreadable blank mask but on the inside Bucky was so confused and conflicted he actually considered running away from the ray of angry sunshine laying on his bed.

Steve just smiled at that.

“You looked like you thought of something painful.” He said soothingly even though his voice still sounded like he’d run a marathon.

Bucky just shook his head and got off Steves bed again.

_Don’t tell, don’t trust, don’t fall_

Steve just watched Bucky while he got him a glass of water and came back to the bed. He gratefully sipped some of the cold liquid that burned it’s way through his throat but still left him with a pleasant felling. He could feel the crushing pull of sleep try to pry him away from reality but his attack had been replaced by a shivering cold that shook him to his core and he soon began shivering.

Bucky spotted the signs of hypothermia immediately and he grabbed the blanket Steve had placed around him which he tugged around the small frame along with Steves own blanket. He kept his eyes fixed on Steve through it all, because something in him just couldn’t let this kind sick young man die. That very feeling made another wall in Buckys head crack and he was left again with shock and confliction. He’d talked to a thousand people throughout many, many years. But no one had ever gotten too him like Steve had and Bucky didn’t know why in the world that was.

Steve didn’t stop shivering and a small whimper escaped his lips even though his face tightened up. It was clear he didn’t want to seem weak in front of Bucky, but the Russian really didn’t mind this. He was used to killing, not helping and there was something about being needed that just pleased him. He sat silently on the edge of Steves bed and watched him until Steve couldn’t handle the staring anymore.

“Could you maybe stop looking at me? It’s getting weird.” He grumbled out tiredly and his teeth chattering slightly.

Bucky didn’t reply to Steves question and he just observed him for a few more seconds before he shifted Steve on the bed like he didn’t weigh more than a feather. He rested his back against Steves wall after he’d sat down next to him in the bed and pulled Steve against his chest.

Steves eyes widened at that and he had absolutely no idea what Bucky was doing. Before he got to ask him though, he was hit with how warm Bucky was and he clung to him instantly and obviously trying to absorb every last part of Buckys body heat. He let out a pleased sound against the leather clothed chest and basically tangled himself against Bucky. He would have, should have, asked what Bucky was doing and why he was doing it but sleep already had its claws in him and Steve fell back to sleep within seconds.

Bucky just looked down at the blonde man in his arms and for a brief moment wondered if it would be okay to simply just have this. He was so used to that cold voice in his head telling him no, that he couldn’t have anything and didn’t deserve anything, but weirdly Bucky was left in pleasant silence and he kept his arms around Steve throughout the night and his eyes resting on the pale face peacefully sleeping against him.


	4. Tricked ya

Hello dear readers!   
As you have figured out I'm one of those annoying writers who doesn't update anything for like a lifetime and the simple reason is my attention span is all over the world. To continue my fics I was wondering if someone would be interested in being my beta so I have someone to help me out and also give me a well deserved kick in the arse.   
Thank you for putting up withthis .  
-P


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